persimmonfrost | Entries tagged with toilet seat

About three years ago, I wrote a review of a toilet seat on Amazon.com. I reviewed it because I have an opinion about everything, and I'm a writer. It's that or op ed, right? Reviews are less stressful, or were until tonight when I got an email saying that there'd been a new comment on the review. This happens. From time-to-time people will ask questions about something I've written, or something they thought I might have failed to note. But this one was different.

"It seems like you work for Bemis. Your review is long winded and you keep bringing up the name. Most consumers don't do that. There are people that get paid to leave product reviews and yours sure seems like it. The BBB is investigating this issue right now."

My first response, after the hysterical laughter, was that I can't wait to be investigated by the Better Business Bureau over a toilet seat. I mean seriously, here's a toilet seat review that someone is so torqued about that s/he's writing the Better Business Bureau and asking for an investigation based on a long-winded (oh burn!) review and the fact that I mention the name Bemis a lot.

Well I plead guilty on the long-winded part. I didn't feel really good about leaving a review that said: "This is a good seat. I like this seat. I like to sit on this seat and do my business." However this mentioning the name too much has me stumped. What was I supposed to call the thing, George?

I posted the link on Facebook to the vast amusement of my friends who are putting in their orders for free toilet seats because of course the truth is that I wrote a review three years ago and Bemis has paid me with a new toilet seat every week since then. I'm using them as picture frames and cutting boards. Haute couture cannot be far down the road for me and my seats.

I actually get a kick out of thinking that there's someone out there who is so invested in this toilet seat review and who has so much time on his/her hands, that s/he can demand an investigation into possible malfeasance over a toilet seat. There are worse ways to spend your Monday nights, y'know. There's a little part of me that would love to see this turn into one of those famously crazy Amazon review threads where random strangers post bizarre comments. If you feel so moved (pun intended) knock yourself out.