Random observations while I catch my breath

It’s funny how you can go down to a really cold basement to work out and after about half an hour end up thinking “Oh man it’s just boiling down here, I wonder if there’s something wrong with the thermostat.”  Yeah.  So I took my laundry downstairs and because Dawn had left a Beatles CD in the treadmill player, I hopped on and though I really didn’t think I was up to more than five or ten minutes (not only did my back give me hell this morning, but I have the attention span of a gnat) I did thirty!  And then I replayed “There’s a Place” (which I love because it reminds me of Erigos, a character dear to my heart) and worked out on the elliptical for all of about two or three minutes.  That one takes some getting used to, but it was a gift from Taylor and Christ who will be moving soon (I don’t even want to get started on how awfully sad that’s making me.) and so fantastically good for both of us.

Yesterday I was restless and sleepy at the same time, and if you don’t think that’s a great big mindfuck, try it sometime.  I kept lying down, desperate for sleep (I’d only gotten about five hours the night before.) but kept jumping back up again.  I think the restlessness had a lot to do with the fact that I’d written over 4000 words the day before, and finished the short story, but was literally jonesing to keep on writing.  I didn’t feel like outlining, I felt like jumping in with both, well, hands in this case, and just typing.  But I didn’t have anything that was ready to work on.  So I just emailed Dawn at work and asked if she’d be willing to plot bang tonight.

While I’m at it, I should thank her publicly because I don’t think I could have managed to work out all this plot so efficiently without her.  She downplays what she does, but all you writers out there know how fantastically helpful it is to have someone who can brainstorm with you.  She’s not quite my co-author, but she’s damn close.  I owe her!

And speaking of writing, I read a lot of Sherlock Holmes communities on Live Journal, and sometimes there’s actually some fic worth reading over there.  As with all such things, Sturgeon’s law does apply, but I’ve found that there’s a handy guide to winnowing out the absolute crap in fanlit, and I’m going to share it with all my (How many now?  Two?) readers out there in hope of sparing you some pain.

1. If the author writes “Please be gentle” anywhere in the introduction to her story, it’s probably crap.  At the very least she’s saying she doesn’t want to be criticized, she only wants praise, and that’s the mark of a writer who doesn’t want to improve.  I’m always gentle; I don’t bother with their stories.
2. If the author says something to the effect of “I don’t really know anything about what I’m writing, but I wrote it anyway and expect you all to read it.”  It’s crap.  Period.  No really, it’s crap.  Why?  Because it’s so fucking simple to do even a little research and make your story more accurate.
3. If the author says “My story’s not beta’d” it’s lazy crap.  Author can’t be arsed to make any corrections, so here it is folks, just as I spewed it up into my computer.

I recognize that the first six months or so of any fandom is usually overwhelmed with excitable teenagers who spend all their time eating, sleeping and breathing this new fandom, but there has to be a nice, firm way to tell them that they look like idiots when they produce or consume  reams of drivel with such girlish glee.  And to do it without discouraging the writers and artists who might actually get to be good if they’re willing to work at it.

So I’m cooling down and have my breath back.   I think I’m going to go make some liptauer cheese and have a liptauer and onion sandwich.   Mmmmm.